At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
