I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize