You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
