I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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