She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
