All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
