my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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