I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
