You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
