I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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