dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
