I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
