So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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