I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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