a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
