i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
