Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
