i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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