rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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