YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
