I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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