..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
