Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
