Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
