Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
