i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
