omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
