i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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