You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
