Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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