Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
