i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
