Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
