WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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