my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So many bounce houses so little time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize