Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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