so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My first STD was from a foam party
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
