They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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