Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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