dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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