he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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