Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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