On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
