Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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