I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
