Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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