I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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