considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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