I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize