Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
