So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
