White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
