Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
