"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
