i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
