How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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