I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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