happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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