Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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