no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
