Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
