I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize