he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
