drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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