youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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