I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
