so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
