So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
