Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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