I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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