peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize